The darkness was banished to the outer corners of the backyard of the house, and colorful lights hummed with the bass notes pounding from massive speakers. Drinks slipped into hands and sloshed out of cups, and the pulse of moving bodies dancing through the cigarette and vape smoke made my heart pound with anticipation. So this was the party scene I was told about. It was like stepping onto the set of a stereotypical teen movie, where the protagonists made bad decisions that shaped their stories. Was I really ready to jump into this?

I didn't really party in high school. My friend group fell on the 'nerd' spectrum, and not the mainstream kind that pop culture has appropriated. Instead of going out and taking risks, I would go to the beach or stay in with my friends for triple sleepovers where the hardest alcohol in the house was reserved for the medicine cabinet.

College has been a different experience. I've gone to parties where most of the people aren't interested in getting to know each other past the point of who was going to give them booze or a hit. The most striking thing I noticed, however, was the amount of people eager to make out with each other, or the amount of strangers kissing and stumbling away from the party early together. This was a whole new ballgame for me; I'd only dated two guys over the long term in high school, and this 'one night stand', 'hookup' thing was completely foreign to me. Little did I know that this hookup phenomenon extended its invasive tendrils into the crevices surrounding all of my relationships at university.

Recently, I attended a seminar discussing the book American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus, where the author Lisa Wade gave a brief overview of the phenomenon I was witnessing in my everyday life. According to her research, the so-called 'hookup culture' seen so often on college campuses in America today has evolved since the beginning of the 20th century. Due to certain economic influences and social trends, the concept of hooking up instead of having meaningful interactions has become a dominant cultural constraint on social behaviors of college-aged young people today. 

'Culture' itself is defined as 'the attitudes and behaviors characteristic of a social group', or as Wade put it during the seminar, a 'collective idea' that something should 'be a certain way', or an ideal that 'everyone' should aspire to. In the case of casual sexual encounters - known as 'hookups' that can range from making out to having sex - the culture dictates that the BEST encounter involves the LEAST amount of emotion and meaning. For example, the best hookup is one where people can have a sexual encounter and leave without any worry about commitment or romantic finesse. This sounds, at its barest, practical for the average college student of America, who is struggling to stay afloat in the shrinking middle-class; there's an expectation, a desire, to be fully settled in their careers and home life before letting someone else into the picture.

However, the culture places so much emphasis on meaningless interactions that, suddenly, every small interaction becomes packed with meaning. "Oh, you hooked up with someone and now you're holding hands? You must be in a relationship," says hookup culture. This creates a pressure on those who don't like to hook up to conform, or to feel insecure about wanting something more than a lustful encounter with a stranger. Where cultural movements of days past have looked on the act of having multiple sexual partners as 'slutty', hookup culture protests against that image with the idea that anyone who DOESN'T want multiple partners is 'desperate' for a committed relationship. Trying to be human and meet the standards of these opposite expectations would make anyone's head spin.

What really struck me the most about Lisa Wade's talk was the idea of communication. Hookup culture thrives on the least amount of communication needed to make something happen, which can lead to confusion and mixed expectations for those people involved. The games hookup culture encourages - such as ignoring or even being mean to the person you hooked up with right after the deed as a way to establish meaninglessness - leads to feelings of worthlessness and unfulfillment.

Obviously this isn't the case for everyone; according to Wade's research, about 10-12% of the population thrives within hookup culture. Still, that statistic rides beside the 70% of women and 73% of men on college campuses who DO want more than just a hookup.

If so many people feel this way, then why aren't more of them speaking out about what they want?

This ties back to the idea of appearing 'desperate'. It takes guts to tell someone how you really feel, especially if the action of expressing your feelings is looked down upon by the culture you inhabit. However, communication is the most powerful way to fight against the expectations of hookup culture. As Wade put it, we humans are "bags of chemistry"; it's impossible for us to not feel SOME emotion when interacting sexually with someone, whether good or bad. Therefore, the expectation of hookup culture to have NO emotion AT ALL is hard to meet on a regular, long-term basis for a lot of young people.

This is why communication is important. It's far easier to establish a relationship of any sort with another person if you communicate exactly what you want out of it - whether you just want a sexual relationship, something more, or something in between. The key is that everyone has different desires, and communicating these desires breaks the label of 'desperate' and makes you more human and approachable.

What's reassuring, though, is that cultural expectations can change. They're literally 'all in our heads'; cultural norms are what we make them to be, and by shifting perceptions of what is desired, a greater acceptance of vulnerability can be achieved. 

Relationships with people are hard to begin with. Add affection to the mix, and suddenly life gets a lot more complicated. If we as humans can accept the ways in which we love one another - whether that means having multiple partners, one partner, or none at all - then the tension created by societal pressures will lift. 

Besides. What's more fun than being cared for the way you want to be?

Take a good, long look at your first semester of college, because there's no doubt that it'll fly by in the same amount of time it took you to read this sentence.

I remember move-in day like it was yesterday: unpacking my stuff, chatting with my roommate's family, and partying out on the lawn with my new suitemates as we celebrated our first night on our own. Welcome Week afterward was, ironically, the equivalent of summer camp; now that we're 'adults', we could stay out late and eat as much junk food as we wanted, living it up before our education came back to remind us why we were here in the first place.

​The first four months of my college experience felt like a lifetime, yet also no time at all. I live in an eight-person suite, four rooms of two people with two private bathrooms and a small common area. I'm lucky enough to be great friends with my suitemates and my incredible roommate, who have helped me find my footing in our new environment. Together, along with friends from other parts of our residential building, we strike a balance among partying, going on day trips, and studying, which have knit us together as a pretty solid squad.

Here are a few things that I've learned:

#1: Independence is sweet
As the weeks went by, I began to think of myself as an independent adult. The feeling was brought on by the biggest difference I've noticed between college and high school: the amount of freedom college gives me. My suitemates and I can decide one evening to go out together without worrying about asking our parent's permission or keeping curfew. This freedom has led to mild evening dinners and late night adventures through the sketchier parts of town, but most of all it has taught me that I am responsible for myself completely - for better or for worse.

Alongside this, it's taught me that I'm ready to be responsible for myself; that I can do my own laundry, make my own schedule, and have my own fun without needing someone to hold my hand through it all. I'm young and ready to explore the world, and now I've been given the opportunity to do that.

#2 - Easier than A, B, C
All of the rumors about college being easier than high school are true. Not only do I get to choose my classes and when I take them (unless they fill up quickly - register early!), but the classes themselves are ones that I'm interested in. From my university experience, it's been refreshing to learn in classrooms filled with students who actually care about their education (or at least act like they do to keep their parents paying their tuition). I love to learn, and I'm enjoying choosing classes that interest me versus suffering through Pre-Calculus for an hour every day in high school. 

With only a few classes per day and classes taken every other day, this leaves a lot of free time. I found that the best use for this time could be exercise, homework, or even sleep. Finding ways to keep myself productive, yet also to give myself personal time, was the key to balancing the new workload and the new experiences.

That isn't to say I made the perfect use of my time at first, however. The worst experience I had with homework this semester was having two 6-8 page essays and a midterm exam due over the same weekend, and since I hadn't worked on the essays that much over the week, I ended up having to write both of them the day before they were due - with a head cold pounding against my skull the whole time.

I powered through and passed all of the assignments, but the experience of stress over that weekend was enough for me to change my ways. I decided to start planning my essays ahead of time and working on any assignment way before the deadline, so that if a pileup ever happens again I can relax and know that I can finish on time.

#3 - Activity is key
The social scene on a college campus has its differences from high school, as well; mostly in the realm of lots of young people having lots of freedom and who are eager to have new experiences. This has led me to have some crazy, sitcom-like adventures with my friends that I could never imagine having in high school, and they've been rewarding and frustrating at various moments. However, I wouldn't trade any of my adventures in this first semester for anything; I've learned so many lessons about myself and met so many great people, and I'm incredibly grateful. While I was lucky enough to be friends with the people in my general vicinity, I'm eager to explore what clubs and organizations my university has to offer for me to connect with even more people on campus and contribute in future years.

#4 - There's no place like home
I've had the advantage of going to school in my home city, but I've seen how homesick my friends have gotten being so far from the familiar feeling of home. Even though I got to see my parents at least once a month, I still longed for a warm hug from my mom when I felt under the weather or overwhelmed, especially when I knew I couldn't see her. That feeling must be compounded for people coming from out of state, which is why I think it's important to surround yourself with good friends and find a support system - such as free therapy from your school's health center or a trusted professor - to help guide you through the painful moments. The transition to adulthood is hard, and coupled with the added pressures of higher education, it can be downright unbearable sometimes.

But you are not alone. More than likely, you're entire building is made up of freshman just like you who don't know what they're doing and are looking for friends. Reach out to your school community and find people who share your passions, and pretty soon you'll feel right at home.

#5 - Overall, it's fantastic
I know it sounds cliché, but college is unlike any other life experience you'll ever have. It's a healthy combination of independence, fear, and responsibility, followed by a (not always) welcome dose of reality. I've realized it's a time for me to find myself, a time to figure out how I might attempt to navigate the rest of my life, and a time to let loose and enjoy my youth while I can.

On this first day of the new year, I'm prepared to start my second semester with as much grace and grit as I can muster, conquering it and hopefully learning a secret or two about how to survive the rest of college. Staying positive and keeping on task with assignments is key, but don't forget to explore everything you're college has to offer. You're only there for four years, after all, and look how fast high school went by!

The heart of summer is here! If you're living in a hot climate (like me), it's time to brace yourselves for that sweltering August heat that puts air conditioners to the test.

With college living on the horizon, I'd like to take a moment and look back on what I was doing this time last year. A familiar image comes to mind: standing ankle-deep in piles of college pamphlets, scouring college application essay help books with pages of essay drafts crowding my computer desktop. The summer before senior year of high school was a thoughtful one, to say the least. But this early preparation into the college application season is what ended up saving me much more time (and sleep) down the road in the fall.

I'd like to share 5 things I did the summer before my senior year of high school that prepared me better for college apps and, ultimately, helped me get into the school of my dreams.

#1 - The who, what, where, why, and how
Have you found schools you want to apply to? Do they have the major/sport/extracurriculars that you enjoy? Have you visited or can you visit any of those colleges within the next few months? What particular thing about this school caught your eye and helped make your decision to apply? 

The answers to these questions will help get you excited to apply to these colleges. If you haven't already created an account on the College Board website, do so now. It is a fantastic resource for finding colleges that suit your interests, and provides not only all of the deadlines for the applications, but shows you how your test scores/GPA/etc. line up with the expectations of those schools. If everything checks out, you can add that college to an ongoing list of schools.

What's more, the "Compare Colleges" feature allows you to compare up to 3 colleges side by side, identifying namely the size of the schools, their costs, and their GPA/test score requirements. By far, getting all this information up front will help you form your essays in the future.

#2 - Ready, set, write!
While I may be an incoming creative writing major, writing college essays was not a cakewalk. What you need to understand from the get-go is that college application essays are not like your average persuasive essay. They are often presented as open-ended, vague questions that leave a lot of room for you to talk about yourself. Oh, and you have between 250 - 600 words to show what kind of person you are. 

But with all that freedom, how do I know where to start? You ask.

Whether you climbed Mount Everest at the age of 13 or witnessed an act of kindness on your way to the grocery store, describe how an event impacted you and what you learned from it. The key here is to not be afraid to paint yourself in an unpleasant light; college admissions officers know that people make mistakes, but if you show them how you learned from yours, it will display what a thoughtful individual you are.

With that said, NOW is the time to write, write, write. If you have a topic, roll with it, writing out every detail of that event and how you felt at each stage of it. Don't worry if you read it again later and it doesn't look good; if you even find only one phrase or sentence that you like, delete the rest and start again. The beauty of drafting is its impermanence; you are in control, and the more you put on paper now, the more your future self will thank you when they (no doubt) get writer's block later.

Getting started now might not sound ideal, but it'll be better to have some drafts and ideas under your belt for when the real essay writing begins from September - November. STARTING EARLY IS KEY TO SUCCESS!

#3 - Examples are a student's best friend
Okay, so you have some drafted pages of childhood memories and lessons, but you still don't know how to put them into essay-form. Now what?

One of the most helpful tips I received for writing these essays was looking up what others looked like and getting a sense of their formatting (thanks, Mom). I'm not advocating plagiarism, because that is downright diabolical. However, some generous students have published their college application essays online for others to get a sense of how they should be worded, and these are probably the greatest resources out there. As previously stated, "BORROWING" WORDS, PHRASES, OR STORIES FROM THESE ESSAYS IS A BAD IDEA AND ILLEGAL. College admissions officers will find out, and all your work will have been for nothing.

#4 - Divine and conquer
When you're writing your essay drafts, really keep in mind what each school is looking for in their application. If you don't know the prompts yet, take a look at each school's mission statement and jot something down. What part of the mission statement resonates with you? How do your personal experiences display your understanding and accomplishment of the mission statement?

Remember, the most important thing about college essays is what each school means to you. Whether you're applying to 4 schools or 14, each one should align with your interests and goals. Also, don't be afraid to get in touch with the admission office of a school your interested in and ask them questions about the process; the schools want people to apply, and it is rare they would turn you down. If you're feeling ambitious, try to get in touch with the Dean of Admissions or Assistant Dean; they know just about everything about the admission process, and will appreciate your initiative.

#5 - Tell me more, tell me more
Always, ALWAYS, ask your teachers for advice. Personally, my senior English class and College Center covered the basics of college applications, but I know this is not necessarily found everywhere. However, teachers at any high school are familiar with the process, as they've no doubt seen countless seniors go through it; and the great thing about teachers is that, more than likely, they love to help their students.

Teachers (or librarians, or any type of teaching professional) are a great resource for editing advice on your essay drafts. I spent nearly every lunch hour of the fall semester writing drafts in my College Center and talking to the counselors, and when I wasn't there I was in my English class listening to my English teacher give me tips for writing my essays. It is a sign of initiative, thoughtfulness, and courage to ask for help when you need it, and it lifts a lot of stress off your shoulders when someone else can give you the answers.

If you want extra help and more essay examples, there are also plenty of books published on the Internet and for sale in stores that give more detail into the do's and don't's of writing essays and which colleges may be right for you. If you are able to get a private college counselor, it is SO worth the investment. Bottom line, there are so many resources for you; you are not alone. 

The college application process is daunting, but more likely than not you will come out on top with less stress if you make the right preparations.

Please comment or leave me a message if you have any questions about the process.

Good luck in the next couple of months. You're going to do great!